Haole on Parade part 2....(Can I go back yet?)

Monday-9/3 (My Birthday! Yeah!)

Road to Hana day. Julie and I are not much of a scenery type sightseers, so we decided to pick a fall or two to see, and I especially was looking forward to the black sand beach. Woke early (I guess we caught back up) and were on our way by 7am. Stopped for gas and got some munchies- those cookies that come 10 to a bag and have all the different flavors? Insane! I loved the pineapple ones! Had the road to ourselves for the first hour or so, 1st stop was the 4 falls at Na’ill’illi Naele (sp?) with a full intention of going to the 4th fall. That kinda went out the window as we looked at the first one we came to and tried to figure out how I was going to get back down. Supposed to have a rope but didn’t see one. We could have been at the first fall, but without actually bringing Revealed with us (no chance I’m caught dead with that in my hand by a local) we had no clue. I really liked the bamboo forestry, cool to hike through. Next stop was Julies choice, the lace waterfall at Punalau which Julie promptly renamed Poonanny (seriously). She was not too pleased with the amount of bugs and the slippery boulders. This hike is pretty much entirely over boulders with no escape route (I was a little uncomfortable, it was overcast and we could have had some problems with flash flood) we both slipped and fell, Julie with a scraped shin and I just got a bump on the rump but the falls were cool and I’m glad we hiked it. Continued on to black sand beach at Waianapanapa park. Took some pics of Julie in her bikini a la sports illustrated. She humored me. Decided to head back and had my first “run in” with someone. Guy was driving along at about 2mph, needed to see his proctologist for cranium removal…ok, I digress…but really, didn’t want to seem “in a hurry” but how do you politely inform someone that you’d like to go maybe 10mph instead of 2? So I stayed on his butt pretty good for a few miles until he stopped in the middle of the road and hollered “would you get off my a$$” to which I replied “yeah, if you’d ever get the hint that I’d like to pass you” He had plenty of pull over spots, figured he’d get the hint. Oh well, he was a tourist, I don’t feel so bad for him.

Headed to Pa’ia and stopped at the fish market. LOVED the fish and chips. The fish was breaded/spiced and not thick battered, right up my alley, and with the malt vinegar, a wonderful lunch if not a little pricey. 2 fish-n-chips, 2 soft drinks, $20 but I’d pay it again. Strolled the shops in pa’ia and stopped at the bead place where I made a cool little island style necklace. $9 and guaranteed no one has one like it. Much better than one of those ABC store necklaces. Regrouped at the hotel and headed to Lahaina for stroll and eat. Decided to try Cheeseburger in Paradise, since the reviews on the place were 50/50 good-bad, we figured we’d give it our judgement. Here is my statement about CBIP “Anyone that considers this restaurant to be anything more than low grade dog food should have their TA privileges revoked and go to advanced taste bud re-assignment surgery!” Are you freaking kidding me? Best Burger they’ve ever had??? I chose the island style, a teriyaki burger with grilled pineapple and teriyaki sauce. The burger that was presented to me was a gray processed piece of ??? that had the flavor of cardboard. They then topped it with a slice of pineapple that may have been dropped on the floor…not sure if it was dirt or grill marks but the pineapple definitely didn’t spend much time on the grill. The teriyaki was conveniently poured into the hole of the pineapple to make a little puddle, like the cook was being “cute”. Like I said, anyone that enjoys their food should have their head examined. This meal should have been comp’ed, but I didn’t want to play bad tourist and knew I’d do way more damage to them here on the net, than just not paying for the food. Horrendous.

Tuesday 9/4

Headed out north to Kapalua and then on to the Nakalele Blowhole. Excellent! Loved seeing the fury of the ocean and seeing the randomness of the blows as the waves crash in. Cruised along and parked at the bellstone and looked down on the Olivine Pools but decided the hike wasn’t worth it. Headed into Kahakuloa for banana bread from Julie at the bright green stand. Loved the little one lane road, 2 steps forward, 1 step back, haha. On our way out we got mango smoothies to wash down the bread and mentioned to the guy he should buy banana bread for $5 and charge $10 at his truck so people don’t have to go down that road. Turns out it’s the Banana Bread lady’s nephew! Really nice people. I think everything is $5 though…$5 Banana Bread, $5 Coconut Candy, $5 Smoothie…that was a quick $20 but for village entrepreneurs, way fine with me. Tuesday was also Warren and Annabelle night for us. Great show and not to be missed! It’s the one thing everyone should do, seriously! So funny and so amazing, a very talented magician. Dinner at Kimos! I was excited and for good reason. Had the Parmesan Ono and it was delicious! My only gripe with Maui started at Kimos…Market Price for fish! This is just a nice way of saying “we’re gonna rape ya on your fish dinner” Ono is a Hawaiian fish right? And it’s pretty much free out of the ocean right? $27 for a fish plate is a bit much, especially when the beef is cheaper?? Maybe it’s just me. If someone could explain the “market” for fish in Hawaii…..A fantastic meal, none the less, but a tad on the pricey side. I could probably skip Kimos next time but it tasted really good for a one time thing.

More to come…..

Haole on Parade part 2....(Can I go back yet?)

jrdry wrote:

Best Burger they’ve ever had??? I chose the island style, a teriyaki burger with grilled pineapple and teriyaki sauce. The burger that was presented to me was a gray processed piece of ??? that had the flavor of cardboard. They then topped it with a slice of pineapple that may have been dropped on the floor…not sure if it was dirt or grill marks but the pineapple definitely didn’t spend much time on the grill. The teriyaki was conveniently poured into the hole of the pineapple to make a little puddle, like the cook was being “cute”.

Thanks for the laugh! Love your writing style :) Can%26#39;t wait to read more. And belated happy birthday ~

jc

Haole on Parade part 2....(Can I go back yet?)

';Ono is a Hawaiian fish right? And it’s pretty much free out of the ocean right?';

Yeah, right, free... My pops pulls his living [free] out of the sea. Let%26#39;s see how free this really is...

First you have the cost of the boat and the constant repairs and upkeep. Then add insurance, licenses, fuel, slip fees, and any crew. Equipment, bait, more fuel for trolling. Then, if you are lucky, you might catch enough to cover the cost of going out that day. Fishing is hit or miss and not every day is a good day, especially with the state of the oceans now-a-days. When I was a kid there was a lot more fish out there than there is now and less people trying to catch %26#39;em! Add to that seasonal bans and the take gets smaller yet. Now be sure to add the loss for days when conditions prevent you from going out. Besides covering the cost of fishing you gotta be able to take in enough to cover the mortgage, the light bill and other expenses. This is someone%26#39;s job, remember!

Then you sell your catch to a distributor or direct to the restaurant, they dress it and loose a good chunk of the weight -- skin, bones, head, etc. They got to pay some guys to cut that fish, cook that fish, serve that fish and then clean up after. Besides the staff they got to pay the rent, the lights, taxes, etc.

After all that I think $27 for a good ono dinner sounds like a bargain! Market price will vary depending on the season and who%26#39;s catching what.

What I meant by free is that it%26#39;s not tended to like a steer....So yeah I was probably off a bit on that. It was delicious though! I did say that! cut me some slack ;)

Enjoy your prose...

The knucklehead who was driving 2MPH is the type who make the rest of us visitors look bad to the locals....

If you think Kimo%26#39;s is expensive, you should try Mama%26#39;s Fish House!

You ARE going to post the result of your SI photo shoot, aren%26#39;t you? ;-)

P.S. Hope you had a happy birthday!!!

I think $10 for a soda and a big plate of fish and chips is really quite reasonable, especially given the quality at that restaurant.

Sorry you fell on your rump - that%26#39;s no fun. I think it%26#39;s even less fun to scrape your shin. Hope there are no lasting scars!

Happy Birthday, yours is the same as mine! I agree completely with your assessment of the burgers at CIP. I think they are the WORST I have ever had, and tell everyone I know not to go there.

But I have to disagree with you on the your fish assessment, and feel kaiwahine put it perfectly. Your advantage of Hawaiian fish in Hawaii is the freshness. Usually when I make the mistake of getting a Hawaiian fish here in fly-over land, it is not the same (probably the lack of freshness and not knowing how to prepare it right). I usually have fish nearly everyday when visiting Hawaii, and it is worth every penny!

Bump for Julauf

How did you know I needed the bump.... ? As far as CIP goes, only eat there for the view, not the food. I do like your description of the food there. $27 is a lot for fish but we paid that or more at Leilani%26#39;s so at least they are being fair. What, you didn%26#39;t have the Hula Pie?

Did you find that traveling to Maui in early September was a good way to avoid a lot of kids?

Kid report- it was actually perfect! We saw only 5 or so kids of school age, the rest were all 4 or younger which was fine. I think it worked out great because with age comes more independence and less supervision, thus more chance for an unwitting kid to run rampant like a british futbol hooligan (No offense to the british futbol hooligans that visit the board) All in all a pleasant trip. The final chapter is in the works, just need some extra time.